tired

It's the old habits that are the hardest to break.
I'm so comfortable in this safe shell of mine. I feel like I'm so powerless to change my habit of needing time before talking about myself - in terms of problems, feelings, etc. I think I now know why I like just depending on me and creating my own ridiculous standards for myself... because I hate when I can't do things for other people, when I let them down, when I can't change (or maybe don't even want to), when I feel the responsibility of doing things for other people.
It's childish and silly, but sometimes I just wish there were more people who could cherish me for the obviously imperfect person that I am. I get it, expectations make me a better person... but sometimes, I just get so tired of bettering myself. I know how ridiculous that sounds but sometimes I just want to stay the pensive person that I am... the person who needs an hour to analyze her feelings before talking about them, the person who can't open up that quickly, the person who doesn't always know what to say.
I feel like such a little girl but I guess right now, I'm just so tired of trying to juggle everything... being the perfect Christian, daughter, sister, friend, student, and girlfriend. I know change is good and feeling this frustrated just means that God is changing me and maybe this is even what I've been praying for - real struggle that I can grow closer to Him - but honestly, I am just so tired.