Weekend before APs.

Not a good time to be sick.
But, for now, I am not stressing.
I finally realized today that there is so much more to what I am doing than the next test I am taking or the grade that I get in that one class.
I don't want to sacrifice myself, my personality, my spirit, my character, whatever you want to call it, just for a test grade or a class.
The thing is, I don't need to go to an Ivy League school to become who I want to be. I don't need straight A's to develop my character. But I do need my sanity, I need my priorities to be straight, I need a heart that cares for others.



One thing I really noticed today is the lack of care that people have for each other. Maybe this is just me, naive, foolishly optimistic me, that has been hiding in the depths of my heart, but above anything else, I want a heart that genuinely cares. That is how I want to make my difference.
Realistically, a caring heart can't translate into a job.
Today I basically told my mom that I wasn't so sure that I wanted to be a pharmacist anymore.
I'm not even sure if I want to do anything related to science thanks to bio.
But maybe that's okay. I think that right now is just a period of exploration, growth, and self-development.


I think so much of this stems from my grandma and aunt because they're just the most good-natured and happy people I know. And I still think back to how Ms. Weaver described me as a "bubbly" freshman... and that's a word that I hope will still describe me.


Sleepy eyes blink blink
But she can't go to sleep yet
Heavy thoughts say no