Life is good

Even when life isn't going the way that I think it should be, life is good.
I feel so naive to believe that I know what's best for me/what will make me happy.

Lately, I have been asking God to reveal Himself in a way that will prove to me, beyond a doubt, that he exists and is the God of Christianity. I haven't exactly seen what I've wanted to yet... but I do believe that a God does exist... and I am so grateful for the wonderful people that have been placed in my life.

I didn't get into two schools that I hoped to get in to and thought I had a chance of getting in to... but that's okay. I honestly think I'll happy to go wherever I end up going. Even though I initially regretted not applying to any UCs after hearing everyone get in... I think it'll end up being better for me. This is my chance to break out of my comfort zone, my little bubble where I'm comfortable in knowing people/having a network of safety. I'm excited!

Maybe this is God working in me... I don't know... I can't describe this feeling of peace after being so distraught/crying over feeling like a disappointment & feeling guilty because my parents were not disappointed. I am a truly lucky human being to have parents who will be proud of me and my accomplishments no matter what, the best friends who will comfort me so much as to get sick and listen to my babbling, crying self, and the best boyfiee ever who will bring me soup just because I'm sick/not feeling well.

The thing is, I might not get into my dream college or the colleges I think I deserve to get into... but I guess life moves on. I have so much more to appreciate in my life than where I'm going for college. I guess in this aspect, I need to be more of a long-term thinker. :] So I'm sorry everyone who had to see my sadness and guilt... I'll try not to be so ungrateful. I don't know why it's so hard for me to try to justify the love I receive. I guess "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" summed it up pretty well: "We accept the love we think we deserve."
It's been so hard to accept this overwhelming amount of love because I don't think I've done anything to deserve it. I guess the best I can do is unselfishly appreciate and love people for who they are.

God, I'm still waiting. I know my faith can't be circumstantial.. because life has its ups and its downs while You must remain constant. So show me. Prove to me.