You are more than my best friend - you are my brother. You have seen the ugliest sides of me. You handle me when I am a complete female dog. You are probably THE most patient person I know. Whenever I have a question about anything, no matter how annoying it is, you always make time for me. Even when I'm just being obnoxious, you are never peeved. Thank you for listening to my rants, even when you know I'm wrong. Our relationship has definitely changed over the years, just like we as people have changed. Before, we used to be the closest playmates ever, now you are the one person I can confide in about anything. Thank you for listening to me talk about people you don't even know and still pretending to care. Thank you for never freaking out on me when I start bawling uncontrollably.
Especially this year, my perception of you has changed. I wish I could be the person for you that you were for me. I wish I could just fix everything because I never want anybody to ever feel the way that you felt or maybe even feel now. I wish I had known things so much earlier. I wish you could have confided in me at the very start.
I hope that some time soon, some time before you leave to college, you develop a small seed of faith. I worry about you more than you know. Without you, I won't have anyone at home who will really be able to relate to me. I won't have anyone to watch movies with... even if you were the one who always chose the movies. :) I won't have someone who will understand what I mean when I say that Mom is a kook. I won't have someone who will poke my fat. I won't have someone who will know how to react when I make a certain face or noise of agreement. I won't have someone who understands my idiosyncrasies the way you do. I won't have someone to hug or someone to link arms with when we go on family walks. I don't even think anyone could ever understand our relationship nor do I think that I will ever be able to share or even express the person that you are to me to anyone else.
I can't believe that you will be leaving in about two months... I can't believe that you will really be setting off on your own. You will be missed. But until that day... let's keep doing our thing, yeah?
I loved this; and don't worry, you can always sleep on the second, soon to be empty, bed in my room when you need a friend, and I'll just move into James' room when I get lonely at night too. HAHA
ReplyDeletep.s. I think whatever is you're doing, is enough, to plant the small seed God wants you to plant. Keep fighting on dearest.